Adversity

We were asked to talk in church about adversity. Here was my best shot. I was able to make it though it. Elder Eyering stated, "if we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing." Elder Eyering related a story about how after being inspired by President Kimball after having said, "There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to the Lord, humbly, "give me this mountain, Give me these challenges. Elder Eyering then humbly asked the Lord for a challenge and he received the challenge a day or two later. He stated that he learned two lessons one being that God had heard and answered his prayer of faith and second he began a tutorial about why a great blessing could come from adversity to more than compensate for any cost. We are all faced with adversity and trials. I know that I am. I hope that I can relay my thoughts today as my feelings on this topic are close to the surface. None of us are exempt from adversity. It is not part of our earthly plan. It is not part of Heavenly Father's plan for us. Our adversity may at the time feel overwhelming, shaking us to the very core and bringing us straight to our knees. It may force us to ask the Lord, "why me, why now?" We may feel angry, hurt, scared, and afraid. But the Lord knows us. He knows what we need to face to help shape us and to help us climb up our stairway to heaven as steep as it may seem at times. He wants us to grow and he wants us to return to live with him. He will not leave us comfortless. I have a scripture hanging on our wall found in Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you plans to give you hope and a future. Elder Eyering reminds us that The Lord answered the questions to Joseph Smith in his prison cell: "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the laments combine to hedge up the way; and above all if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good. "The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he." Therefore, hold on they way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. They days are known, and they years shall not be numbered less; therefore fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever." What a beautiful blessing and promise applicable to each of us. President Monson has taught us that a foundation of faith needs to be built for if it is not the power to endure will crumble. Elder Eyering teaches us how to build a foundation. He said that as a young man he worked with a contractor building footings and foundations for new houses. Building a foundation is hard work and takes much patience. He states that in a similar way, the ground must be carefully prepared for our foundation of faith to withstand the storms that will come into every day life. That solid basis for a foundation of faith is personal integrity. Our choosing the right when the choice is placed before us creates the solid ground under our faith. Those choices, hundreds in most days, prepare the solid ground on which our edifice of faith is build. The metal framework around which the substance of our faith is poured is the gospel of Jesus Christ, with all of its covenants, ordinances and principles. Elder eyeing wishes to encourage those who are in the midst of hard trials, who feel their faith, may be fading under the onslaught of troubles. Trouble itself can be your way to strengthen and finally gain unshakable faith. Do you ever feel like the harder your try, the harder things get. Or do you feel like when 1 thing goes wrong 20 others do. Elder Holland stated if for a while the harder you try, the harder things appear to get, take heart so it has been with the best people who have ever lived. And do you know why I think this statement is so true because the Lord puts us all through many trials and those who come through those with faith are some of the very best people that I know. These people have been through the refiners fire. They are humble, courageous, compassionate and strong. A year ago our daughter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. It has been a challenge to me, one at times so heavy that I have asked why her, I have spent much time praying and asking my father in heaven for help and guidance and understanding. Although I do not know why we were given this challenge and I may never fully understand why, there are a few things that I can testify of. First, that my Heavenly Father loves me. He hears my prayers, he comforts me and he helps me. Second, Elder Holland talks of angels. Both heavenly and earthly " But I testify that angels are still sent to help us, even as they were sent to help Adam and Eve, to help the prophets, and indeed to help the Savior of the world Himself. Matthew records in his gospel that after Satan had tempted Christ in the wilderness “angels came and ministered unto him.” 8 Even the Son of God, a God Himself, had need for heavenly comfort during His sojourn in mortality. And so such ministrations will be to the righteous until the end of time. As Mormon said to his son Moroni, who would one day be an angel: “Has the day of miracles ceased? “Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he withheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved? “Behold I say unto you, Nay; for … it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men. …I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. My beloved brothers and sisters, I testify of angels, both the heavenly and the mortal kind. In doing so I am testifying that God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face. “[N]or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man [or woman or child] upon the face thereof to be saved.” 13 On occasions, global or personal, we may feel we are distanced from God, shut out from heaven, lost, alone in dark and dreary places. Often enough that distress can be of our own making, but even then the Father of us all is watching and assisting. And always there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and immortal. The Lord has blessed me with angels. At times when I have felt the load is getting hard and heavy in comes my troupe of angels sent from Heavenly Father. I have the best husband, I have many friends that have diabetes and have been placed into my life to help me. I have friends and family members who just listen. A dr that has diabetes with full understanding and compassion of our situation. My list could go on and on. Elder Eyering said "the Savior has promised angels on our left and our right to bear us up…and he always keeps his word” I know that we are all given trials, but we are not given them without help and without purpose. The Lord loves you and I. He promises to help us if we will be faithful and ask. No trial is too big or little in the Lord's eyes to ask for help. Keep building your foundations of faith as President Monson and Elder Eyering have encouraged you to do so you can withstand your trials. Be that angel to those around you. I know that the Savior lives and loves me. I know my Heavenly Father hears and answers my prayers, not in the way I always expect, but he does answer them. I hope I can endure my trials well and help you with yours.

T-Ball

Made it throughout our first T-Ball game. We ate an extra PB&J without insulin and everything went down without a hitch.

Kindergarten Registration

I can not believe that it is time to sign A up for Kindergarten. I am a mess! I haven't left her with anyone besides our dear friends the Randalls that know first hand how to care for D. Ashlynn was a little nervous for sign-ups. She asked if other kids were taking in their "night-nights." It is a receiving blanket that A sleeps with at night. I told her no and she said ok. I later found that she had packed the little blanket her and had hid it in the backseat. I guess she felt a little safer with it. It made me cry when I found it thinking of how brave and scared she was at the same time.

I met with the school nurse and the school counselor today. They were both very nice and helpful and seemed to be on the ball. I hope so. We decided to put A in morning kindergarten because her numbers tend to run a little higher after breakfast so I feel a little more secure that she won't lose consciousness while at school if all goes right. She also is being placed with a teacher who has had children with D before and so she is trained with using glucagon if an emergency situation arises.

All in all I felt encouraged about our upcoming year BUT I sure wish I would have had my security blanket hiding and waiting in the car for me when I came back out too:)

Animas

A has an Animas Ping Pump. http://www.animas.com/animas-insulin-pumps/onetouch-ping. So far we are really enjoying the pump. The meter also serves as a remote so that we do not have to touch her or the pump to give her the insulin. The pump has some amazing features. It is able to calculate how much insulin we need to give her based on the carbs she eats, it also calculates how much insulin is left in her body, and it calculates in her BG based on her target goals with all of these things combined it will tell me the "bolus" to give her. It is amazing. The pump also allows A to have a little more freedom with what and when she eats. With injections she was able to eat 3 times a day at specific times. It was SO hard for her because we had to force her to eat at specific times and we had to have her eat the amt. of carbs we gave her before her shot.

The pump does not automatically give A insulin. We have to tell it what to do. The pump does not read A's blood glucoses, we have to test her with a finger prick.

B and I have been up around the clock for the past week and a half testing A. We talk to a blood glucose manager every day. Her name is Olivia. She is wonderful. She helps me change A basal and bolus rates based on what her trends are through the day and night.

I am writing all of this down for all of you to better understand what we are dealing with, but also with the hope that someday A reads this and laughs and thinks WOW that was really bad. Things are SO much better now! Or WOW remember when we had to do all of that and now there is a cure!! This is my hope. This is my prayer.

One Year

It has been one year and 4 days since A was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. One year and 4 days. 5,535 finger sticks. 1,476 injections. 369 sleepless nights. I have not really written down my feelings about Diabetes. There are few who I discuss my true feelings about it to.

A was diagnosed with diabetes on April 7, 2011. We were on Spring Break in St. George, UT. I had noticed that Ashlynn was getting up up to 5 times a night to go to the bathroom, she was wetting the bed, she was thirsty, she was hungry. The night before we took her in she had 3 accidents. I knew then that she had diabetes. I felt it in my head and in my heart. We took her into the dr. the next morning. We started out seeing the PA. I told him my concerns. He told me he thought she was having bladder spasms and wanted to put her on a pill. I was ready to accept that diagnosis and felt relieved. Barry insisted that they test her for diabetes. She had trace ketones in her urine. Her blood glucose was 409. We were admitted into the hospital that very day. I remember the doctor coming in the room to tell us the diagnosis. He said, "bummer." Bummer. Are you kidding me? I remember leaving the hospital and Barry took A into the $ store to buy some small toys for her to play with in the hospital. I sat in the car and cried and sobbed. I worried about her being able to have cake at birthday parties, having babies and a family (all which she can do I later found out). The hospital stay was difficult for me. I was upset and scared. I cried when A could not see me. I remember on the first night praying and praying for understanding and comfort. I felt that someone was there with me. Watching over us and trying to comfort me. I feel like it was Grandma Sorenson, I do not know if it was but that was the impression I felt at the time. I have felt much help and strength from the Lord and his angels. I hope that I live worthy to continue to feel the strength and help that I so need to keep A safe. Our hospital stay consisted of learning how to care for diabetes. Our doctor and CDE were in a fight as to how much insulin A needed to be on, if we should carb count, etc. I felt confused and scared. We went home on WAY to much insulin. Everynight I woke up every hour to find her BG dropping significantly and I would have to give her juice box after juice box. I called our CDE who was a Godsend and we went from 7 units of Lantus to 0! A dropped low to 36 or 46 our first day home. She started to lose consciousness. I was afraid.

Things have gotten much better over the past year. I once heard that Diabetes doesn't get better but we do. I believe this. I have learned a lot about D over the past year. I have made friendships. In a lot of ways I feel more vulnerable but in a lot of ways I am stronger too.

Over the year we participated in a Walk for the Cure in Reno, NV. We raised over $1000. We put on a "craft for the cure" we raised just over a $1000 for JDRF. We went to the Reno Ace for the Cure baseball game. We went to a FamilyLink Diabetes Picnic.

I feel fortunate in a lot of ways. I feel fortunate that we caught A diabetes before she went into DKA. This is a huge blessing. I feel fortunate that she has a manageable disease. I feel fortunate to have insulin, and glucose meters and insulin pumps and glucagon. I feel blessed that she is alive and healthy. 100 years ago she would not have been and the thought of this makes me literally sick. I feel blessed to have insurance and the means necessary to care for her. There is a lot to be thankful for BUT. Then the buts sneak in. I do not wish to be negative. I want to be positive BUT I feel afraid at times when A is too high or too low and I feel scared for her, I know how to treat her in these situations but I feel afraid. I feel mad. I feel mad that I have to poke her 15 times a day (don't get me wrong I am grateful I have a way to gain knowledge to keep her safe and in range) but it makes me sad that I have to poke her. She is 5 years old. I feel sad that she has not been able to eat what she wants, when she wants (with her new pump this will allow her more freedom). I hate that she can't just run and play without me closely keeping an eye on her for safety reason. There are a lot of things to feel fortunate about but equally fair a lot of things to hate.

A just started using an Animas Ping Insulin Pump. We are working hard to get her basal rates and bolus ratios accurate. We check her BG all through the night. I love that I do not have to give her injections. This is a huge break for her and I. I love that her pump has a remote so I do not even have to touch her to give her her insulin. A enjoys this part very much. A doesn't complain about being poked or prodded but she HATES having to be interrupted from play, eating, etc. So the fact that I can give her insulin on the run is great.

I feel hopeful. Research is coming along. The Artificial Pancreas is in outpatient trials. Dr. Faustman is working hard in Boston to find a cure. There is much to feel hopeful about.