One Year

It has been one year and 4 days since A was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. One year and 4 days. 5,535 finger sticks. 1,476 injections. 369 sleepless nights. I have not really written down my feelings about Diabetes. There are few who I discuss my true feelings about it to.

A was diagnosed with diabetes on April 7, 2011. We were on Spring Break in St. George, UT. I had noticed that Ashlynn was getting up up to 5 times a night to go to the bathroom, she was wetting the bed, she was thirsty, she was hungry. The night before we took her in she had 3 accidents. I knew then that she had diabetes. I felt it in my head and in my heart. We took her into the dr. the next morning. We started out seeing the PA. I told him my concerns. He told me he thought she was having bladder spasms and wanted to put her on a pill. I was ready to accept that diagnosis and felt relieved. Barry insisted that they test her for diabetes. She had trace ketones in her urine. Her blood glucose was 409. We were admitted into the hospital that very day. I remember the doctor coming in the room to tell us the diagnosis. He said, "bummer." Bummer. Are you kidding me? I remember leaving the hospital and Barry took A into the $ store to buy some small toys for her to play with in the hospital. I sat in the car and cried and sobbed. I worried about her being able to have cake at birthday parties, having babies and a family (all which she can do I later found out). The hospital stay was difficult for me. I was upset and scared. I cried when A could not see me. I remember on the first night praying and praying for understanding and comfort. I felt that someone was there with me. Watching over us and trying to comfort me. I feel like it was Grandma Sorenson, I do not know if it was but that was the impression I felt at the time. I have felt much help and strength from the Lord and his angels. I hope that I live worthy to continue to feel the strength and help that I so need to keep A safe. Our hospital stay consisted of learning how to care for diabetes. Our doctor and CDE were in a fight as to how much insulin A needed to be on, if we should carb count, etc. I felt confused and scared. We went home on WAY to much insulin. Everynight I woke up every hour to find her BG dropping significantly and I would have to give her juice box after juice box. I called our CDE who was a Godsend and we went from 7 units of Lantus to 0! A dropped low to 36 or 46 our first day home. She started to lose consciousness. I was afraid.

Things have gotten much better over the past year. I once heard that Diabetes doesn't get better but we do. I believe this. I have learned a lot about D over the past year. I have made friendships. In a lot of ways I feel more vulnerable but in a lot of ways I am stronger too.

Over the year we participated in a Walk for the Cure in Reno, NV. We raised over $1000. We put on a "craft for the cure" we raised just over a $1000 for JDRF. We went to the Reno Ace for the Cure baseball game. We went to a FamilyLink Diabetes Picnic.

I feel fortunate in a lot of ways. I feel fortunate that we caught A diabetes before she went into DKA. This is a huge blessing. I feel fortunate that she has a manageable disease. I feel fortunate to have insulin, and glucose meters and insulin pumps and glucagon. I feel blessed that she is alive and healthy. 100 years ago she would not have been and the thought of this makes me literally sick. I feel blessed to have insurance and the means necessary to care for her. There is a lot to be thankful for BUT. Then the buts sneak in. I do not wish to be negative. I want to be positive BUT I feel afraid at times when A is too high or too low and I feel scared for her, I know how to treat her in these situations but I feel afraid. I feel mad. I feel mad that I have to poke her 15 times a day (don't get me wrong I am grateful I have a way to gain knowledge to keep her safe and in range) but it makes me sad that I have to poke her. She is 5 years old. I feel sad that she has not been able to eat what she wants, when she wants (with her new pump this will allow her more freedom). I hate that she can't just run and play without me closely keeping an eye on her for safety reason. There are a lot of things to feel fortunate about but equally fair a lot of things to hate.

A just started using an Animas Ping Insulin Pump. We are working hard to get her basal rates and bolus ratios accurate. We check her BG all through the night. I love that I do not have to give her injections. This is a huge break for her and I. I love that her pump has a remote so I do not even have to touch her to give her her insulin. A enjoys this part very much. A doesn't complain about being poked or prodded but she HATES having to be interrupted from play, eating, etc. So the fact that I can give her insulin on the run is great.

I feel hopeful. Research is coming along. The Artificial Pancreas is in outpatient trials. Dr. Faustman is working hard in Boston to find a cure. There is much to feel hopeful about.